Just some thoughts

picture via theredheadedhostess.com

I have been studying my scriptures lately with this new scripture journal idea. (Found via Anna on Pinterest.) And. it. is. the. best. idea. ever. seriously. I got my little composition notebook, and glued some fabric onto the outside (super crafty for me) and then went to work writing out the topics and page numbers. I am addicted to my scripture study now, and I want to study for longer than my 30 minutes I have planned out everyday. And sometimes I do take longer. (And like today I realized I needed to eat lunch and so was going to get it but got too involved in my scripture study that when I remembered I didn't want to stop my studying to get it, but waited until I was done studying. That's how awesome studying scriptures is for me right now.)

I love as I read my scriptures to think what doctrine or principle could I put this thought or this scripture under, and that sometimes I put a scripture or thought under a topic like adversity and I automatically more scriptures and quotes pop in my head that I go searching for, and that give me more insight into my life and how Heavenly Father is blessing me and helping me right now.

The Red Headed Hostess who wrote about this scripture study method said "I don’t care about [my kids] inheriting the things I have shoved into my backpack when traveling in far nations. I care about this. Then when I’m not around anymore, I can still help them."

Isn't that awesome?

Also, I have been thinking about my life and the trials and challenges I am facing right now. I have had one particular challenge for awhile now, 9 months to be exact, and I don't see an end in sight at the moment. I realize I can do anything positively and cheerfully for about 3 or 4 months. Then I start to unravel a bit and struggle more when I don't know when the trial is going to end. (Just like when I know my run is going to end in 1 mile I can keep up pushing hard for that last mile, but if I have no idea when it will end, I start to drag my feet and struggle much more, even IF I only have a half mile left to go.)

However, in this particular trial I got to a point where I thought, I can complain about this now. It has been going on long enough, and I don't need to "hold it in" or "pretend my life is perfect" a minute more.

And you know what happened? I was sad and onery and upset, and had less energy, and I was making people's lives miserable around me, and the trial was still there.

Then I got the opportunity to go to Education Week, something I am crying about right now because it was what I needed more than anything else, and my mom and mother - in - law gave me the gift to go by taking my kids for four days. That's a lot of charity I tell you. And two of those days Avey was sick.

Anyway by the end of the four days, I felt like my old happy want to live the gospel self again. I felt more inspired and more inspiration directly from God about my life on that first day than I had any of the other weeks I had attended Education Week before. I got off my high horse of my life is hard and I'm tired of living it, and onto the well this trial is not going away, there's nothing I can do to change it, so let's go full force and be a blessing in other people's lives and look for what is going great about my life right now, and surround myself with the spirit as much as possible. Read ensign talks, get a better scripture study method, and really gain a testimony that God really does love me perfectly and "will not require me to experience a moment more of difficulty than is absolutely needed for my personal benefit." (CR Ensign Nov. 1995, Richard G. Scott Trust in the Lord)

Oh, and did I mention also that I had to stop trying to fix it and figure it out on my own, and that I needed to accept and feel ok asking and receiving help from others. And knowing that it will just take a miracle for this to end. A miracle straight from God in the right time. I like to figure out and work hard and overcome problems all on my own, so to completely give my life and trials over to Him is a constant theme in my life, and I think His goal is to help me realize over and over again that in the end we still fall short, and the miracle of the atonement is what covers that gap for us.

Anyway, I am much more at peace about life now. Did I say anything changed about my trial? No. Do I have any idea when it will end? No. Do I still have to remind myself when things get rough that it's o.k. because I still feel peace from Heavenly Father which means our family is on the right path, and ultimately that's the most important thing in our lives anyway? Yes.

So will I make it through? Yes. I am so grateful for all my friends and family that are super patient with me right now. I am so happy it is the fall my favorite season of the year, that it is so helpful to get me in good spirits and remind me of the beauty of the earth and how to slow down and enjoy life. Just go sit outside and smile for three minutes, I promise it will lift your spirits. :)